Blog7

I Am a Loser to Myself

I am a damn loser to myself.

When required to categorize the personality of myself, I found quite a few personalities that may match me. Ambitious? Yes, otherwise I would not be here. Reserved? Yes, I hold the deepest secret to myself.

However, I scanned through all the personalities, I did not find the one that matches me most. That is lazy.

I am a lazy guy. I always compromise with myself. I will give way to rest even if I have work to do. I will play games when I cannot come up with an idea for my assignment. I will step back when I feel like stating my opinion because I feel it too troublesome.

Did not I regret? Did not I blame myself? Did not I promise to work hard the other day? Yes, I did. In primary school, I told myself to practice electronic piano more often. In junior high school, I told myself to do extra work for math competition. In senior high school, I told myself this is the end for wandering around and the start for real donkey work. As for now, I told myself no need to put as much effort as usual, just focus on school work to a certain extent.

However, I never keep my word. The days in Singapore are the most intolerable period in my life. I cannot attend to my assignment until the last minute. I cannot go to the hospital until I feel extremely uncomfortable. I cannot read through all the leaflets on majors until I am supposed to give our choice. I cannot because I am too lazy. When competing with myself, I am always the loser. I have no choice but to surrender to myself.

Is it possible for me to change? Is it possible for me to really cheer up? Is it possible for me to mend my way? I do not know. I do not dare say that I can overcome all the barriers. I am always a coward when the enemy is me.

I cannot defeat myself maybe forever. I am a god damn loser to myself.